Intentional Community: The Sandbox Where We Relearn to Trust One Another

Part 1

Image by: Kassandra Jones, Instagram @ture.travel @kassssj

Trust: If you grew up in the ‘Western’ world like me, this word might be laced with uneasy memories and associations for you. It might look like a lot of broken promises, heartbreak, or agreements related to money or time. Maybe it begs you to keep your circle small so that no one can take advantage of you again. 

For me, in my mid-twenties, it looked like wanting to buy my own house, so that I wouldn’t have apartment neighbours banging through the ceiling when I’d play piano in the middle of the day, or being told by my landlord that I had to evict my roommate due to middle-of-the-night confrontations with (the same) building neighbours. It was also a step away from navigating expectations and flip-flops in beliefs from housemates during those (uh, you know, the highly divisive pandemic thing that we all went through) times.  

This led to what seemed like an obvious solution: I wanted my own house so that I could have a space where I felt safe and free to express myself; so I wouldn’t feel like I was walking on eggshells in my living spaces. I wanted to have a yard with gardens and a fire space, without the laundry list of restrictions imposed by landlords about how I was allowed to live in a space. In short, I wanted my own space. Obviously, trust was not a well-established part of my community experience.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/567239_15b091a9f2554958996ad4b03ae936df/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

Video by: Kassandra Jones, Instagram @ture.travel @kassssj

Trust also looked like a slippery slope in romantic relationships and friendships, for a long time. I felt like I needed to walk a thin line between sacrificing my own desires and needs and occasionally landing in moments of satisfaction and connection that made the syphoning of my energy feel worth it…at least for a few moments. 

Before I go into describing what changed, and my experience of intentional community, I want to acknowledge that community living is not something that people who come from cultures centred around family, community, and mutual aid need to learn (it’s already intrinsically there)… Rather, I believe that the rest of us, raised in hyper-individualistic societies, are lacking many basic pro-social skills, behaviours, and norms that we must be humble enough to learn as adults if we want to improve the quality of our relationships, communities, and legacies. 

Dysfunction: The Path to Liberation!

Wait - did you read that right? That header seems like a sort of...dysfunctional...statement, no? I get it, and I will do my best to explain why I would make such a preposterous claim.

What I’ve learned about community is that messiness is actually impossible to avoid if we really want to live in ways that honour the full spectrum of human experiences - to create spaces that allow us to breathe in our learning, growth, shedding, integration, and starting over. We are complex organisms on our own, let alone in groups! This means that clear communication is a vitally important practice, especially when it comes to building trust. 

Imagine walking down a path in the forest on a quiet afternoon. Suddenly the wind picks up: Leaves begin to fall and blow around on the ground. Maybe a small squirrel scuttles by, and a branch falls ahead of you on the pathway. There are a million other movements happening in your immediate environment in that same moment, yet even if you just focus on the things that you notice, it would seem rather ridiculous to assume that they are all happening because the wind is angry with you, or because the squirrel is disappointed in you - or because the leaves got bored and wanted you to pick up the pace. 

Yet, with human interactions, this is exactly what many of us are doing all of the time! Many of us spend countless hours ‘mind reading’ those around us, centering ourselves in their experience. From my lived and learned experiences in the realm of communication and interpersonal relations, I am in agreement with the theory that most conflict between humans arises due to miscommunication. 

So, this dysfunction that I mentioned? I used that word, partly because it’s become an ongoing joke here at Protopia Community. We are humans, not robots, so of course we will communicate ‘imperfectly’ and make mistakes. I also believe that what many of us associate with ‘functionality’ actually stems from a culture of control, disconnect, and cold detachment. 

In our community space, owning ‘dysfunction’ doesn’t mean allowing harmful patterns to perpetuate. Rather, it means that we acknowledge our humanness, and we allow for each other to express and connect, rather than remain trapped in invisible prisons that keep us secretly hostile and mistrusting of each other’s thoughts, beliefs, and intentions. 

I believe that the saying “The truth will set you free.” holds a lot of wisdom. Yet, we must create spaces and communication norms that allow us to feel safe to express and receive the truth of another’s experience.

Stay Tuned for Part II

About Lynne

Lynne (or Honey) is a nomadic multidisciplinary artist and co-founder of the Soul Circus project, a space for creative expression and community connection. She is a practitioner & guide in musical improvisation, contact improvisation dance, clowning, fire arts, and yoga. Her mission is to help every body and every voice to find (remember) its place in the collective choreography of life. 

Her career as a Marine Communications officer with the Canadian Coast Guard taught her that effective communication is crucial- sometimes, even a matter of life or death. Meanwhile, her personal journey to heal herself and understand others has taught her that compassion is the ultimate path to deep, meaningful healing and connection. 

Currently based at Protopia Community in Costa Rica, Lynne is happily immersing herself in space holding roles such as scheduling, defining roles and communication structures, emotional space holding, and media.

Connect with Lynne’s projects here: https://linktr.ee/lynneandree